It’s Amazing Grace

Sometimes I wish Jesus would come now, especially when the world around me is in chaos. It burdens me to see or hear about people being mistreated…and my heart aches to know when will He let it end. Everyday is a battle against my own flesh and blood, and that of others. Can things get any worse, well…besides the whole earth blowing up? Is Heaven close to me, close enough to have it in my view, but it is hidden from site. I feel like the small children kept in bondage by the wicket witch in Narnia. Everyday their thoughts and memories of their home is twisted by the witch. But despite her persisting bewitchment they chose to dream of a home that is far better than the one they are in. It must have been tough to go against the witches naturalistic explanation. They dreamed of Narnia and how beautiful it must be and Aslan and how great he is. And, when the witch was slain they entered into the home they always believed existed without having seen it in all its beauty. I can only imagine how ecstatic they were. I can only imagine how ecstatic and at peace I will be.

I am liking my new Dell laptop with AT&T DSL High Speed wireless Internet connection. I was using Netzero but I didn’t to try something new and faster for $10 more. I am amazed at how fast I can surf the web and get more work done in half the time. Now, instead of feeling like I’m riding a bike on the freeway I feel like I’m riding a sports car. It’s pretty bad when someone tells you your computer is extinct. It made me feel out of date or out of touch with the times or out of tough with reality…or something. Right now I treat it like a toy and am always on it, but I know from experience that will die down sooner or later. Material things don’t last forever. Ok, I have to go–Curtis is calling me because he wants me to cut his hair for picture day tomorrow.

I am having some kind of allergic reaction. I’m experiencing intense itching all over by body and I am so uncomfortable. I experience the most itching with Irish Spring soap and when I get out of the shower. I stopped using that soap and the itching has subsided somewhat, but it’s still there! I saw my doctor two days ago. She looks more like a grandma than a doctor–meaning she has that down home look and feel. Anyway, she told me I was doing the right things by changing my soaps, lotions, razors and etc. (pretty much anything I use on my skin) to fragrance free, hypoallergenic and sensitive skin brands like Dove. She said, “maybe you need to change your deodorant.” And I said, “even though I’m itching all over?!” She said, “Well, it’s just a suggestion.” Anyway, she gave me a prescription for some medicine in cream form for my skin and a shot of Vitamin B-12. In her experience, the shot worked for another woman who was itching intensely–but she had low Vitamin B-12 in her system…and I don’t, because my doctor looked at my records and saw that I wasn’t anemic or low in any Vitamins. But I said to myself, “Oh, what the heck just give it to me anyway.” I don’t know what the nurse was thinking when she gave me the shot! She practically threw the needle in my shoulder as if she were throwing at dart at a bulls eye! There was nothing gently about it. Scott said that sometimes when a person has a muscular physique then it may be necessary to use more force to get a needle through the muscular area. But I don’t think I look muscular…not anymore anyway.

I finally spoke with the new head coach (Aaron Shires) for track and field. At first, I had accepted in my mind that I wouldn’t be coaching because I didn’t think my conversation with him would be good. In fact, I thought it was going to be like the conversation I had with the new head cross-country coach one month ago. I called him right when the bell rung for the beginning of 2nd lunch so that I caught him before he left his room…I was prepared this time! At first, I thought he was being negative about how Scott handled things last season, but I realized that he probably heard only one side of the story. So, as he explained his goals (ex. organization and team unity) I confirmed to him that we did that last season. I also let him know what happend with Scott so that he didn’t think Scott did something horrible. I told him the athletes were saying that other people–who I purposefully didn’t name–said they were going to be the sprint coach. He told me there were others and some of them are qualified but he wanted to ask me first because I had done such a good job with the program the schools very first season. I hate having to tell people my credentials and accomplishments because I don’t like sounding like I’m “full of myself.” But I told him that he out to know that I have a Master’s Degree in Exercise Physiology/Biomechanics, had experience training with world-class and olympic athletes, hold the school record in the 200m and 400m races at Cal Baptist Univ. and Glendale Community College, I have two teaching credentials, and one of my strong points is that I am reliable and perform at my best when I am given the space to do so. He was all for it and said he doesn’t like micromanaging people, he wants to trust them to get the job done.  As the conversation went on I found myself actually enjoying talking to him! That was surprising because, I had only worked with Scott and I was afraid of new people and drastic changes. But, in the end I told him that I really enjoyed talking to him several times and he said the same to me. So, I told him that I wouldn’t mind coaching the boy’s and girl’s sprinters because I enjoy helping them to succeed, get college scholarships, and teaching them what is important. He wrote down my cell number and said he would keep in touch with me to update me on important information. Right now I am coming out of training my mindset to say “No,” and move on to working up my excitement again because I love what I do. Wait until the kid’s find out! They are going to be more than excited!

Missing Childhood

Many years ago
There was a little girl
With bright blue eyes
And long blonde curls.

She came into this world
On a cold winter day–
And little did she know
She’d live her life that way.

While other little girls
Were playing with their toys
She was being taught
Girls were not the same as boys.

Shannon L. Spradlin, Does God Know About This?(Henderson, Nevada, 1993), 46.

Tonight I start going to my piano class and tomorrow night I will be going to my guitar class at Riverside Community College. This will be my third semester in both classes and I’m anxious to get back. I will be in the Level C group. Groups go from level A (begginers) to Level D (advanced). But my teacher’s say there are ways to keep signing up for the class after we have completed the maximum two years. I just might continue if it is possible. Until then, at least I have this semester and next semester. Oh man, I really need to start practicing more at home. A new student in my guitar class asked the teacher how long do you have to practice before you become an excellent player. Mr. Scarano said, “it’s not how long you been playing, but the quality of your practices that helps you to become an extraordinary player.” I’m never going to get their if I don’t start making time for quality practices. With that said, I’m glad I have the time now that I’m not coaching to practice. It’s a good feeling to be able to come home early and rest before classes and practices. I’m not sure if I should go back to coaching. The athlete’s, faculty and staff would like me to continue and I liked building self-esteem in the athletes. They loved seeing their name and time in the Press Enterprise every week and being scouted out for Division I Universities. I don’t know what to do! A part of me says to do it and not waste my talent in coaching. But another side says, “Great, now I can relax and focus on music and playing for the kids in Pipeline with more energy.” I have been asking God for help in this decision. The new head track coach wants to meet with me tomorrow to tell me his phylosophy. I noticed that I am checking again. I think it’s because I have too many things running through my mind and anxiety is building up. I wish somebody could give me some extraordinary supernatural advice from God to help me make up my mind.

Moving to another thought–Rob and Leah leave for Hawaii tomorrow and I know they are excited and anxious to get there. Being able to have the chance to go to Hawaii sounds exhilirating. I wonder if pineapple over there gives new meaning to your taste buds. Pineapple here is really good…I love pineapple and most fruits for that matter. But if you tell me that it doesn’t compare to the pineapple in Hawaii then I have to go…soon!

The Real Church

There are some who say
  The church is a sacred place–
And to let my feelings show
  Would be a real disgrace.

So as I dressed for church
  And finished with my hair–
I glanced into the mirror
  To be sure my mask was there.

I heard the Lord so gently
  Speaking to my soul
“My child, I long to touch you–
  want to make you whole.”

“I brought you here today–
  Not for you to hide–
But that others on life’s journey
  Could help you see inside…

“In the world, it’s hard
  To let the real you show–
But here, my child, you’re safe–
  It’s where hurting people go.

“I long to help you children–
  That’s why my church was born–
Come unto me, I’ll help you mend
  When you feel tossed and torn…”

My tears began to flow–and
  My mask slipped to the floor–
But it’s OK–I’m welcome here–
  I won’t need it anymore.

Ref: (Ibid, 75)

My Thoughts:
If God wanted us to experience healing in relashionships
  Then why is it the very thing we run from.
Jesus never wanted us to carry our burdens alone.
  In fact, He came to take them away.
We think that if we show people who we really are,
  They will not love unconditonally, and infact reject us.
But what I have come to know,
  Is that we are not all that different.
Some of our struggles are the same, and some are different.
  But none of them are unfamiliar and unforgiving.
You see, I think we know what it means to be real,
  But it is a scary and vulnerable place to step into.
But the best thing is that God loves us unconditionally
  Your darkest secrets or struggles won’t stop Him from loving you.
And believe it or not there are Christians in this world,
  Who are ready to step out on faith and experience the Real Church.
The grass may not seem greener on the other side,
  But it is and He is ready to give you peace of mind,
And free you from all the guilt and torment you carry inside.

Grace

I often wonder if outerspace has an end or if it never ends and is infinitely in existance. Doesn’t everything have an end to it–with the exception of Jesus Christ? If God is the beginning and end, did he create the universe in the same way? And if there is an end to the universe and he still exists beyond the boundaries of space and time why did he choose us to exist in it? When I look at a map of the known universe and think of how the undiscovered universe is still greater beyond our wildest imagination I am in awe of how great and extraordinary is He who created us. I mean if you think about it our planet is consistent with being a speck of dust floating in this world–except we are floating in the universe. And yet we were created and chosen to spend all of eternity with Him if and only if we choose Him. But no matter how ridiculous it may sound to the ways and thoughts of human nature I still want to trust in Him–just as He wanted Thomas to believe on Him without ever seeing Him (John 20:26-29). Our human nature trys to convince us that only what is seen can be trusted to exist. History shows that Jesus undoubtedly walk this earth some two-thousand years ago. And no historian or scientist can doubt His existence whether they believe on Him or not. God’s way is always the opposite of human thoughts. Therefore, I will trust in His existance and love for me and the rest of humankind.