It’s Amazing Grace

I care deeply about my brother and his struggle with work. I’m always looking for ways to help him. To my surprise, I found out from Uncle Boy (my mommy’s brother) that one of his three sons, Juan lives near me. All three brothers were in the military—it’s his family tradition I guess. I spoke to him today because we were supposed to go over his house and have some of his famous barbecue! But he called back an hour later and said he had been called in to work. But the interesting thing is that he works for the state government as a correctional officer at a women’s prison and gets full health benefits, paid holidays, and 90% of his paycheck in retirement after 20 years. I mentioned my brother and as soon as I got off the phone I called him and told him about the jobs they have in various occupational fields and how the starting pay (~ 4,200/month), full benefits and retirement plan might be of interest to him. I took on interest and said he would return my call after he returned from a wedding in Ventura. I’m thrilled because this is an opportunity for my brother to financially take care of his son and get benefits for the both of them. When Juan told me he only pays ~$300 and some dollars for him and his three kids I was wowed. Especially after he mentioned that’s how much it would usually cost one person in many cases. Apparently, they have the best benefits and starting pay in the state. I checked the websites Juan gave me and there are many different types of positions available. My brother loves his son and I want him to not have to struggle paying financial support for him. This may very well be a way out for him! Juan said he was going to recruit me too, but I don’t know.

Out of the 15 lbs. I lost from last summer, I gained nine back during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I ate throughout the day for the whole week at my in-laws in Sacramento. I pretty much ate sweet potato pie, 7-up cake, and peach cobbler every day. But Curtis and I started doing Tae-Bo at home again since then, and I’ve lost seven of those nine lbs. Curtis also noted that he is getting his “lines” back in his abs…I think he’s talking about the beginning stages of a six pack. He thinks he’s so fat, and I always have to ask him, “From what perspective?” I have to say, for a thirty-eight yr. old, soon to be thirty-nine yr. old, he looks very fit and healthy.

On another topic, we may be having some significant changes in our life, one of which includes moving. The cigarette smoke seeping through our walls from the old lady next door is contributing to my allergy problems. And, unless someone knows how to keep the smoke from seeping through the walls, we have no choice but to move. It’s funny…Curtis is doing Tae-Bo while I’m typing this post. He has a grimacing expression on his fact–is hoping up and down, but not so much to cause our neighbors below us to come knocking on our door. He is kicking and punching next to our bed in a very small area of space. :0 Don’t laugh yet, because I’d be on the other side of the bed in a very similarly confined area punching and kicking cautiously too…but not today…today I am being lazy.  :)

Oh, I wanted to quickly say that I was ecstatic when Lauren Sanchez said my name and read my comment about the Super Bowl I e-mailed them last week on channel 13 news. I tried to wake up Curtis, but he missed it…he was talking in his sleep and he didn’t really care at that hour of the night.

You know, I always prayed that God would change Curtis’ heart. But never in a million years would I have guessed that he was also working on my heart as well. I am more humble now, and consider others motives before I prejudge their intent. It was a real eye opening experience. I was so concerned about everybody doing Christianity the right way, that I didn’t realize I was being judgmental and critical of others. Oh boy, was I self absorbed! I understand now how I can be right and still wrong at the same time. God is teaching me to be compassionate for others and where they are in their relationship with Him. And, He communicates to me that He loves them anyways…unconditionally. I’m no better than them; we are all saved by His mercy and grace. I enjoy going to Sacramento to see my mother-in-law now because through the eyes of Christ I am able to love her exactly where she is and that’s alright. She knows the Lord and loves Him in her own way and He, I assume, is pleased with her true hearts intent. I am always thinking and reflecting on my thoughts and actions. My true heart’s desire is to be the loving soul He created me to be—even if His truthful teaching in my heart hurts and makes me remorseful.

I took a nap when I got home from work because I felt so empty physically and emotionally. When I awoke, I remembered that I just signed up for iTunes and so I got on it and searched for songs of inspiration…that touch my soul…way down deep inside a place of me that only God can understand. It’s kind of strange…you know…when ever I feel down in the dumps I always seem to have the most yearning desire to draw close to Jesus through music. I wish it could better be explained…it’s something that shakes and rattles the very core of who I truly am. And, as my eyes fill with tears I ask myself does Jesus know how much I love Him. Even though I make mistakes, I hope He knows my true heart and truest intentions.

Father, can you hear me? I need your love today. Your the reason I keep persevering, regardless of my circumstances. Yesterday, as Curtis and I were driving to the grocery store down Jackson, I looked up in the sky and right before my eyes was a beautiful rainbow that seemed to stretch across the sky from as far North and South as the eye could see. And then I felt an overwhelming since of comfort because just the day before I had just read in, “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn, how God said whenever it rains and a rainbow is visible, this is His sign to all that He will keep His promises (Genesis 9:12-17). And to this day, I thank God that the earth’s order and seasons are still preserved, and rainbows are around to still remind me of His faithfulness to His word and promise to me. Thank you God for sending me that message of hope and comfort.

I’m in the bathroom doing some web activity. I know somebody may think that sounds disgusting but, it’s a quiet place to work for right now. I’ve had several allergy appointments in the past month. I’m trying to find the cause of my sinus problem, headache’s, severe itchy skin and mood. I never thought I was allergic to anything…at-least that’s what my mommy told me growing up. As far as she was concerned, her babies were perfectly healthy…not in this toxic chemical world! So I was shocked when the nurse practitioner told me I tested positive for allergies to beef, tuna, lobster, oranges, color dyes, cobalt (which is in hair dyes, blue dyes, printing ink, tattoos and lubricating oils), Nickel (found in jewelry, coins, eyeglasses, metal  buttons, keys and electrical wiring to name a few), soaps, perfumes, detergents, lotions, and cortisone creams. There are a couple more foods that I can’t recall at this time, but I’ll get a copy of my results next week. Oh, and they did some kind of lung strength tests and found that my lower lungs are a little week, so now I’m using two inhalers and have to return for re-testing…thank God my upper and middle lungs are in the 80 percentile strength range. For the past week I have been avoiding beef and the others and I noticed that I have less headaches and mood changes. Curtis told me that if he tested positive for beef then he would just have to take on the allergic reactions because there is no way he’s giving up meat…especially beef! Oh boy, I tell you…don’t take away his meat. It just might effect his mood regardless of having to avoid it, just for the simple fact of not being able to have it.

Today I was searching for words of encouragement  on Biblegateway.com and I found this good news to give me the comfort and motivation I need with the challenges I face in life (ex. work, school, relationships and etc.). I figured it could help someone else who also is feeling like a failure.

Daily Encounter

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Tuesday, September 4, 2007
–>1. Perseverance Pays“Let us not become weary in doing good: for in due season we will reap, if we don’t faint.”¹Had Thomas Edison not been a man of faith, perseverance and determination, we may still be working by gaslight or, at least, it may have been many years before the first electric light was seen.It has been reported that Edison failed over 6,000 times before perfecting the first electric light bulb.On one occasion a young journalist challenged Edison saying to him, “Mr. Edison, why do you keep trying to make light by using electricity when you have failed so many times? Don’t you know that gas lights are with us to stay?”To this Edison replied, “Young man, don’t you realize that I have not failed but have successfully discovered six thousand ways that won’t work!”Because Edison believed an electric light was possible, he refused to give up. He tried countless types of material in his search for a filament that would work. He sent men to China, Japan, South America, Asia, Jamaica, Ceylon and Burma to search for fibers to test in his laboratory—all to no avail.On October 21, 1879, after thirteen months of repeated failures, Edison finally succeeded in finding a filament that would work. While experimenting, the thought came to him, “Why not try a carbonized cotton fiber?” After going through two spools of cotton, he eventually perfected a strand only to break it while trying to place it in a glass tube. He still persevered with this idea for two more days and nights without sleep. Finally he succeeded in placing a carbonized thread into a vacuum-sealed bulb! Eureka! It worked.“Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you have a mission in life for me to fulfill. Give me the insight to know what it is, the faith to believe you will help me, the courage to attempt to do it, and the perseverance to hang in there and ‘not faint’ till my life’s work is done. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”1. St. Paul (Galatians 6:9).<:))))><

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it….Training and perseverance is discipline and there are many benefits with that discipline…..Hebrews 12:11 “

–Dave (USA)

Today Curtis and I went to 24 hour fitness to get some exercise playing Basketball. We played two games-he won one and I won the other. I told Curtis I brought a book to read “Case for Christ” while he played with the guys. And before I knew it almost three hours had passed by and I wasn’t a happy camper–and I showed it! As we walked outside the gym I began to painstakingly think of the real reason why I was feeling so unmotivated and stressed out. And I was reminded of when I was younger and could play basketball with the guys at the park from sunrise to sundown. What ever happened to my feeling of being excited to play without watching the time? Why was I letting my responsibilities as an adult cause me to worry and loose my passion from enjoying my fun time to the fullest without watching the clock? Curtis asked me to drive because his legs hurt. I felt horrible for telling him mine hurt too–just because I didn’t want to drive either. As I drove home I observed how quiet he was and began to think of the fun he had playing with the guys like I use to and developed this feeling of compassion for him and how he was putting up with my poor mood. Later, he asked me if I was mad at him. I said, ” not that specific incidence bothered me the most, but everything I had to do in general”. He said, “yeah you are.” I told him what I had been thinking and feeling and he agreed I should have fun when the opportunity presents itself and just live in the moment. I’m just having a dry spell of excitement. I feel like I  have very little energy. That’s all.

Well, I had my teaching demonstration interview today at CBU. It went well, but not as well as I had hoped. I am going to be a paid Teaching Assistant for this semester. Basically, I will be gaining experience by observing professors teaching dynamics’s (or more precisely put–how to grab student’s attention in exciting and interesting lessons. I was told that I did a very good job and I obviously new my stuff. However, they didn’t want to set me up for failure by throwing me in a teaching position on such short notice and possibly receive poor teacher evaluations from students. There was a mis-communication somewhere because I thought they wanted me to demonstrate how I would teach undergraduates how to create and literally fill in a daily lesson plan. They were looking for something more simple and specific like, just going through a basketball skill such as a chest pass. By becoming a Teaching Assistant I will have the chance to get good teaching evaluations so that I will be asked to come back the following year. So, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to take. They wouldn’t have offered this position to me if they didn’t think I could do it…that’s what Sean told me. I’m glad they have confidence in my ability to quickly learn teaching dynamics (which I already know…just didn’t know what they where looking for). Plus, this way I get to implement the styles of teaching I’ve learned throughout my teaching credential programs. I will get a couple thousand dollars in pay…not as much as the adjunct position but still good I think. I told Sean that I wasn’t extremely disappointed because I trust God will lead me in the direction He wants me to go. So I’m patient with His plan for me in my life here on this earth.