It’s Amazing Grace

Curtis and I just got a face-lift to our living room. New tan and brown couches that were custom made by a lady who usually only makes couches for NBA players and other celebrity. They originally cost almost $5,000, but we got them for $1600, since the store was going out of business. We bought a new lamp and other stuff to match. It looks so nice…doesn’t look like a college students living room anymore. Now all we want is a wall mounted HDTV LCD…Memorial day is coming…watch-out for those sales! …going to check out walmart.com’s phillips, samsung, and polaroid brands and low prices!

Today was my birthday…actually it was all of us in Pipeline’s third birthday. Our children’s church service is still going strong and many more are still coming. Too bad I didn’t get to eat cake. It was all chocolate…I don’t like the taste of chocolate cake.

I had an interesting day yesterday. A young man was looking for an ACSM Health/Fitness Instructor Certified, to measure his bodyfat percent. Apparently, the first time was with someone untrained. In order to be hired in the fire department academy he needed me to measure his bodyfat. He said there aren’t many of us around. This was the first time in 8 years someone found me on the ACSM website and called me for services. I had to create a letterhead and put certain information on it to certify the results as accurately done by a professional. And, I got $50 bucks out of it! Sweeeeeet!!!!

Today just wasn’t my day. I drove to CBU for observations this morning, to the chiropractor at 11am, and to band practice at what I thought was 8pm. Apparently, CBU got an extra day off this year for Spring Break, the chiropractor scheduled me early but actually doesn’t come in until 2pm, and the time on my desktop computer was never changed. No classes were in session at CBU, the chiropractor thought I was scheduled for Tuesday and we never put out time back an hour on our desktop computer. And, my appointment with Bobbie was rescheduled to Friday, which I didn’t mind. But nothing seemed to be happening as planned. I waisted a lot of gas today. And not only that, there was some serious tension going on between me and Curtis. We both were irritable with each other. He gets that way when law school gets stressful, hasn’t had enough food, and needs to take a nap. To a lesser extent I do too; well, maybe not to a lesser extent when I’m hungry. I can get pretty snappy when I haven’t had enough food. Oh man!!! We just could not communicate and get along with each other. God, I pray that tomorrow would be a better day and Curtis and I would be forgiving and loving towards one another; just as You were forgiving and loving of us. Jesus please make everything better; make our relationship everything you want it to be. Amen

This was a good Easter for me because I was able to reflect on the past and how Jesus died for our sins. And, how there is nothing that can separate us from His love. I could invision Jesus literally watching us from heaven; looking into time and space in the world we live in. The holes in his hands and gash in His side to remind us of the saving love of Jesus Christ. Historical research shows that the nails were actually placed in his wrists to hold Him up on the cross. Placing the nails in the palm would actually rip the skin and not stay intact. According to historians, the wrist 2,000 years ago was considered part of the hand. So to them it was the same difference to say, “the nails in his hand”. Many times I have this aching feeling deep down in my soul that wants to be with Jesus. Because I know He is real and He is Love. Death can’t last because Jesus conquered it for us. And when it is time, He will return and the dead “in Him” will rise with new bodies that aren’t so easily destructible. At times, we like to cling to the things of this world whether it be material things or people. And we don’t stop to think that we are clinging to what God wants to set us free from. He wants to give us a new and better life that is joyful beyond all measure. That kind of happiness and joy can only come from Him. Figuratively speaking, that’s like saying we don’t want to leave a baron waste land because it’s what we are use to and what we know. When there’s a place that brings peace, joy, and comfort to the body and soul. I’m taking off tomorrow to get some much needed rest. I’m hoping to delve deeper in my thoughts on this matter.

Last night, Curtis and I ate In ‘n’ Out at home. I know we’re suppose to be on a diet, but this day required a special treat. My stomach handled the beef a little better this time. I think I should be able to have a little beef every once in awhile. I got home pretty late because I ended up having a meaningful conversation with our new head coach, Shires. I was frustrated a the beginning of practice, but I hadn’t planned on saying anything about it. I just wanted the sprinters to be able to do their warm-up before stretching. I found out their routine had changed to where they were only stretching their muscles–which is not good to do before warming up the muscles. And, I was also frustrated that my sprinters were going to be put in other events just to score points. Shires came over and we talked about it; it was a little rough at first. But the more we talked, the more better we became at communicating with one another. I was really honest with him about my feelings and even about events in my past. He’s not like the other football coaches, who curse and yell at the kids. It was easier to talk to him. So I decided to take a chance a little later in our conversation and ask him if he was a christian. He didn’t really say yes, but he didn’t say know either. This is the jest of what he said, “I believe theirs a higher power out there, because scientists can only go so far back. And, they can’t explain why where here. I believe that if your a good person as you go through life, you’ll be fine.” He was surprised when I said some of the athletes didn’t like him…he laughed about it. One of the athletes is in his history class and he said she’s the nicest of them all to him…he said something might have happened to where he may have yelled at her for not doing something and she got upset. It was important that I told him I witnessed the other coaches cursing at the athletes. And, witnessed a coach grabbing an athletes face mask and every curse word imaginable. He was appalled and wanted to know who it was, but it’s hard to remember the person’s face, especially with so many coaches on the football field. I felt a burden on my heart to take a chance and tell him about my ordeal last semester with the death of my guitar partner and dealing with death in general. I told him all about the massive amounts of physical evidence I research and found that made my faith stronger. I was also surprised you couldn’t find that amount of physical and historical evidence with other things people worship. He listened uneasily as I told him how Christ died for our sins, because there was nothing we could do to save ourselves. But I knew not to push it on him; so I allowed the conversation to switch gears to ease his tension. We talked longer about the kids and how we could communicate more better as coaches. I suggested having a coaches meeting once a week to talk about what events to strategically place athletes in for the betterment of the team. And, also to use the time to express any concerns or feelings we had. Also, I told him about how last year we encouraged the athletes to spend an evening at each others houses on a weekly basis to hand-out and develop more camaraderie. He thought those were great ideas and wanted to put them into effect immediately. I’m not going to lie, I really enjoyed sharing my heart with him. I think it diminished the stress he was having because as a new head coach he didn’t want to step on any toes and change too many things.

It was an interesting day out there on the track. Athlete’s were pumped up and ready for whatever was thrown at them. And then something happened…catastrophe after catastrophe…and the hits just kept on rollin’. Ashleigh pushed off her blocks when the gun went off and her blocks slipped back and she almost fell flat on her face. But she kept her balance and kept the 4×100m girl’s in the race. Unfortunately, we were behind a great distance; she gave it to Kyrese and she gained about to strides on the Corona girl. When Kianna got the baton she gained another three strides on the next girl, but we where still behind about 3 seconds. Our anchor leg, Camille, got the baton and took off in a dead sprint. She made up the rest of the distance and was right next to their anchor leg girl. But, it wasn’t enough to get the win. Then, our boy’s 4×100 first leg had a bad start as well. Our “B” team was actually ahead! When Robbie got it he was gaining on the guy. But his hamstring pulled as he was coming to give the baton to Kenny. He slowed down and Kenny had to turn completely around and stop to get the baton. But when Kenny got it he actually gained some ground. When our anchor, Bryan (aka “Speedy”) got the baton from Kenny, he hawked their anchor leg down lost by a nose! But all in all, I wasn’t worried because I knew they’d win next time. If they can come back in a race after all those mistakes, then surely, if things go well, they can win easily when their at the best. Many of my varsity and jv boy’s and girls sprinters placed first in their individual open events. This years boy’s varsity 4×400m will be a site to see! They are going to go far in CIF and State even they keep running and getting faster like they are now. My boy’s and girl’s varsity are determined and they can see the end in site. And what they see is victory at league…payback! I love this sport!

Today was busy because of all the preparation to get the athletes ready for their first league meet against Corona H.S tomorrow at 3:15pm. After I worked with them on an entrance formation, they were pumped and ready to take on whatever was in front of them. Those crazy kids sure do know how to have fun. Corona H.S. will be a tough one because they tend to have exceptional athletes in long distance. My sprinters should do fine as long as they don’t get themselves in trouble. I’m excited that the parents of two exceptional varsity sprinters decided to let them off their punishment and back on the team. The other varsity boy’s are excited too. They are good enough to do some damage this year at the Mt. SAC relays invitational in April; maybe as much as, or more than the phenomenal relay team I had three years ago at Norco H.S. I sure am glad high school track season is only 2 1/2 months long. It’s the only thing that keeps me going–knowing it will end soon. I don’t know what’s up with these fruit fly’s that have been nagging me for the past week! Go Mustangs!!!

I’m wondering what I should do for my husband, Curtis’s, 39th birthday on May 20th. Whoa, I am looking at that number at it seems like a lot. I never thought I’d be with a 39 year old man. But then again, who would when their a kid? And, now I’m all grown-up…but not quite as much as Curtis is… …thank God.

Taking today off was the best thing I could have done for myself. I just finished eating some Lucille’s Bar-B-Que left-overs from last night. Eddie treated us and the other family ministries band out to dinner; he really does take care of us. Anyway, I’m feeling a little shaky right now…I don’t exactly know why…all I know is that my shoulders and chest feel tense and my heart is fluttering at times. And, no…it’s not because I ate beef…it was pork and chicken barbecue. Sometimes the things I encounter in life seem so confusing. It’s difficult to make sense of things when it feels foreign. One thing I know is, I need to overcome my fears and lies I tell myself and give people a chance. My counselor challenged me today to look at a friend for ten minutes while engaging in conversation with them. That’s too hard! I told her I’d like to start with her first before I try it with a friend. This isn’t an easy thing to write about; it makes me feels vulnerable actually. But, I want so much to trust a friend…and know that they are true and genuine. And, in my mind I know that I have that kind of friend…or two. What would it take for me to experience the closeness God created me to experience with a few others in my life; the kind of closeness that is a foretaste of what it’s going to feel like to be totally surrounded and deeply engulfed with the love of Christ–someone who knows me through and through. Deep down inside, isn’t it the kind of unfathomable closeness that we feel in the pit of our souls…it’s comforting to know, but also a struggle to fulfill the desire of close friendship in my heart. God created me in His image…and He is never alone! He is always fully immersed in a close relationship with His Son and the Holy Spirit. How do I live up to that part of His image in which I am created? Does He wish we all would try to know true closeness and trust; to be able to be myself and have someone know me in a way that God fully knows me? I don’t know…it seems all possible, but very difficult to make happen on your own. I don’t want to be afraid to look at someone in their eyes when we’re engaged in a powerful, yet emotional conversation. You know what my problem is…I’m afraid to do that with other females, and not think that it’s gay…seriously, that’s why. And, I don’t in any way want to put down people who are homosexual…that’s the last thing I would want to do! I never really tried to see what would happen if I looked at someone for ten minutes or more while sharing my heart and struggles…to feel vulnerable is a very scary thing…did I say that already…and yet, I know God didn’t create me so that I would go through life being afraid of the very thing He wants me to experience…with Him, I can do…with other females…that is a constant struggle, because I feel it’s a gay act and is wrong or strange…maybe strange is a better word.

It’s been a busy two days, and today seems to be no different. It felt great to go to piano class last night, especially since I missed last weeks session. I left early to go to a songwriter’s meeting. It was a privilege to be asked to attend, although I’m still trying to build my self-confidence and accept that I’m a good writer in one way or another. I feel disappointed with myself, because in the past I have seen to be afraid of challenging myself to write all the time–even when I’m not emotionally drawn to do so. It’s strange to find out that something you never thought you would be good at, is something that God has gifted you with. I feel in my soul that God wants me to challenge myself to write more often, even when I don’t feel like I have anything to write about; and I can’t continue to ignore the Holy Spirit’s nudging…nor do I want to. I am up for the challenge to see the kinds of things Jesus can do through my writing poems and songs. I’m a proactive person, meaning if something needs to be done for progress to happen, then I have a strong desire to do it NOW! Otherwise, just talking about it and ending there just makes me feel like nothing was accomplished. So I believe I will take action to contribute to something greater than I.